Football Coach At Christian School Has A Tough Time Encouraging His Team


Football coaches are notorious for using crazy analogies and profanity to inspire their teams to victory. In my time on the gridiron I heard words I never knew existed from coaches who could weave expletives into profane poetry. I think a few of them invented new curse words. One had a computer installed in his voice box that bleeped every other word just to be safe. But that isn’t how things are done at Christian schools. Coaches can’t fly off the handle so easily. So what would happen if a profane coach tried to lead a Christian team at halftime?

Comedian John Crist imagined what it would be like, and pretty much nailed the coach speak.

Normal coach speak (fill in the blanks with literally any expletive): Well ______, son. You’re about as bright as a ______ candle with no wick. ______! You’re gonna run laps until I get tired! ________ ________, ________! ________.

Christian football coach: You fellas heard of Joshua? Well he was in a tough place and didn’t give up, because he was looking for a greater reward. Think about that scene in “Facing the Giants”….