Seriously, What Is Going On With DeMario Jackson’s Twitter?

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If you were to ask me what the deal is with any person on “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” I would have said, “First of all, Seinfeld, get a new question. Second, I literally have no ideas. None. Zero thoughts.” But, now that I have seen DeMario Jackson’s Twitter, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Apathy was a sweet balm that protected my existence from needless drama. But “The Bach” shows have stormed into my peaceful world filling both the news and conversations of loved ones who are achingly troubled by the cancellation of “The Bachelor: Shady Business On A Beach.” One of the contestants at the center of that maelstrom is DeMario Jackson, which is Italian for, “The Mario, Jack’s Son”, I believe. What, that’s not right? Oh, well.

Jackson, who in a mere month assassinated his own reputation on two separate shows (one unaired), is a…well, he’s a real piece of work. If you need further proof of that truth, look no further than his Twitter @demariojackson_. I will not comment on his name ending with an underscore; we have bigger fish too fry.

His feed should be called “Hey everyone, come hear about what DeMario’s needs.”

It soon becomes apparent that his “needs” are unhinged.

The GODFATHER PART 4!? Part 3 almost ruined the careers of Al Pacino and Francis Ford Coppola. You are legitimately out of your mind.

Then there’s this “need.”

You think a) Beyonce knows who you are and b) she would want to name her son after a guy who got caught cheating on TV? Friend, you need to throw away all the mirrors in your house.

What else do you need?

DeMario, I’d rather die. Also, did you know DeMario is the paragon of virtue and purity, a shining light of relational fidelity?

Breaking News: The world sends DeMario Jackson a Venmo charge for wasting our time.