In 2001 Destiny’s Child Released a Terribly Sexy Christmas Song That Should Maybe Be Scrubbed from the Internet

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It’s 2017 and time to be bold. I’m of the opinion that Beyonce can basically do no wrong. Her former bandmates and supposedly still BFFs Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams fall into her domain and also fall into that category. Throughout the late ’90s and early aughts Destiny’s Child, as a trio, with the help of Bey’s dad, was turning everything they touched into gold.

You’re an independent woman? Thank DC.
You pay your own bills? Thank DC.
You’re a survivor? Thank DC.
Bootylicious is in the dictionary? Thank DC.

It’s recently come to my attention that though I drove home from school every single day in the 10th grade listening to “Bills, Bills, Bills” and “Say My Name,” I missed something. Something big.

Destiny’s Child released a Christmas album (I don’t like Christmas music) in 2001with the title track, “8 Days of Christmas” being something Beyonce should try and have scrubbed from the Internet. It seems like the trio released a video for the song and a live video for the song. Both feature inappropriate Santa outfits.

The live video is basically that scene from “Mean Girls” where they dance to “Jingle Bell Rock.”

The real issue to discuss here is the sexualazation of Christmas throughout the song and the question at hand– is this song about Santa? No, surely not.

Christmas was made for the Children? The Bible says otherwise. What’s a 2G Christmas? A Google search doesn’t reveal much and I am afraid to dig too deep. Should more Christmas carols start out with a grunt?

Here we go, all the things “baby” gave to her for Christmas. Most Chloe shades start out around $300. That’s a nice gift. Is there a more early 2000s gift than a diamond belly ring? Did it have a chain? What a weird Christmas gift. He’s starting off very strong on day 8 and really toned it down on day 7– a nice back rub. He’s back at it on day 6 with a crop jacket and dirty denim jeans. He really mailed in day 5 with the poem.

The range of gifts is confusing. If these two aren’t in a committed relationship, he has some questions to answers.

So, her Christmas spirit can be bought with gifts?

Christmas is too sexy. Christmas is not sexy.

Day 4 of Christmas is simple– dinner. I truly abhor day 3 of Christmas. This guy is on my shit list– a gift certificate? Come on! Oh, wow. Day 2 is a new Mercedes, so obviously day 1 of Christmas is quality T-I-M-E. I know this was 2001, but I really hope he has an Amazon Prime account by now so he can kind of level out his gift giving.