The Hallmark Movie Channel is a big deal around Christmas and for good reason– the channel’s Countdown to Christmas is hour after hour of cheesy holiday cheer that can’t be found anywhere else.
This year, like no year before, I’ve been sucked into the movies and more than anything, I can’t get over the titles. Before I read the synopsis about them, I try to guess what it’s about. There’s always a deceased parent, a free piece of land or home and an old lady neighbor.
10 Most Hilarious Hallmark Movie Channel Christmas Titles:
1. “The Sons of Mistletoe”
What It Sounds Like: A Christmas version of “Sons of Anarchy.” One rival biker gang must out-do the other in their annual Toys for Tots motorcyle ride.
Actual Description: A foster home for boys is in danger of being closed when its benefactor dies.
2. “A Christmas Visitor”
What It Sounds Like: An updated, cooler way of saying, “The Ghost of Christmas past.” Instead of a scary old ghost visiting you, the Christmas visitor is actually your cousin who drinks all of your booze and always leave their towel on the bathroom floor.
Actual Description: A father struggles with the past. A daughter fights for the future. A mother searches for answers. The Boyajians have not celebrated Christmas in 11 years. They lost their faith when they lost their son to the Persian Gulf War. Now a stranger has joined them– around the same age the boy would have been. Is he a con artist? Or is this young man the miracle their family has been waiting for.. This Christmas, a stranger will change them forever.
3. “A Carol Christmas”
What It Sounds Like: A typo.
Actual Description: An ego-maniacal TV talk show host is determined to destroy the festive fun in the studio.
4. “Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus”
What It Sounds Like: A single adult male goes back to his hometown for Christmas after being dumped, right before he was going to propose. He still has the ring, so he’s determined to find the one before Christmas Eve communion with the whole family.
Actual Description: Nick’s plan to let fate bring his wife to him must be altered because he must replace his father as Santa Claus on December 26. Ernst, the right-hand man to several generations of Santas, generates a list of potential mates. Nick dutifully sets off to meet them, but fate may have a candidate after all.
5. “Eve’s Christmas”
What It Sounds Like: A selfish lady named Eve throws a terrible ugly Christmas sweater party every year and always calls it– Eve’s Christmas.
Actual Description: A wealthy and successful career woman gets a second chance in life when a magical wish transports her back in time eight years to when she walked away from her fiance to lead a business life in New York.
6. “Battle of the Bulbs”
What It Sounds Like: Two widowers who have been friends since returning from WWII together get in a Christmas light fight that affects the whole town.
Actual Description: Bob Wallace makes sure to go all out every year on Christmas decorations so that he can have the brightest and most festive house in his neighborhood. This year, he notices that his new neighbor has put up an even brighter and more lavish display. The fight is on when they declare war for the best Christmas decoration display in the neighborhood. Stars Daniel Stern and Matt Frewer.
7. “Annie Claus Is Coming To Town”
What It Sounds Like: A German woman named Annie is coming to town.
Actual Description: This year, Santa’s daughter (Maria Thayer) takes her first trip away from the North Pole during the Christmas season hoping to find adventure and love in sunny California. While Santa watches his daughter through a magic snow globe,
8. “It’s Christmas, Carol!”
What It Sounds Like: A woman named Carol experiences short-term memory loss and must constantly be reminded of what day it is. We pick up with her story on Christmas day.
Actual Description: The story of driven, heartless, publishing executive Carol Huffman, who on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghost of her former boss, Eve.
9. “Fir Crazy”
What It Sounds Like: A woman who is allergic Christmas trees refuses to put a fake one in her home. This year, she has an allergic reaction that causes a psychotic break.
Actual Description: A woman, who through a series of circumstances, is cornered into a job she has hated all her life – selling Christmas trees in Manhattan for her parents’ family business.
10. “Angels and Ornaments”
What It Sounds Like: To make it home in time for Christmas, a workaholic dad must find his way through a giant maze of ornaments with a help from a few friends– angels.
Three suitors pursue a hopeless romantic after she makes a wish to find true love before Christmas.