101 Most Annoying Things Girls Say While on a Diet


Girls are weird. We admit it. We are prone to irrational obsessions with the slightest fluctuations of our weight. We go on diets that Beyonce tells us about. We eat weird things Oprah is handing out on the street. We do silly exercises that someone discovered while sojourning through Asia. And then, we tell everyone about it. All the time.

  1. I’m eating clean so I can’t really have Diet Sprite.
  2. I’m on Atkins, so carrots are super off limits.
  3. I’m giving up carbs for Lent.
  4. Does vodka have any calories?
  5. Laughing is a great core workout.
  6. Oh my God, you guys, I’m starving.
  7. I haven’t had a carb since Tuesday.
  8. No, I haven’t had any coffee. It’s HydroxyCut.
  9. Kim Kardashian’s doing it, so it must be healthy.
  10. Have you heard of Skinny Girl?
  11. This diet actually allows three glasses of Chardonnay per day.
  12. CrossFit’s not a cult, y’all.
  13. I’m not even tired.
  14. My mom did this diet and she lost 40 pounds.
  15. My roommates and I are having a discipline week.
  16. I’m saving this for my cheat day.
  17. I don’t even need a cheat day anymore.
  18. Are you on MyFitnessPal?
  19. Let’s all do this together.
  20. Do you want to go on a cleanse?
  21. I really need to buy a juicer.
  22. Can I survive on Centrum?
  23. How many calories are in Red Bull?
  24. Can y’all just take the chips away?
  25. I walked 84,000 steps today, according to my FitBit.
  26. Have you heard of ballerina tea?
  27. You know celery has negative calories, right?
  28. I haven’t lost any weight yet, but that’s just because muscle weighs more than fat.
  29. My jeans are getting looser.
  30. Seriously, get these chips away from me.
  31. Don’t judge me, y’all. I’m just having one.
  32. Have you heard of Zen Spin? It’s all the craze.
  33. OMG have you been to the new Pure Barre studio?
  34. My jeans are still kinda tight.
  35. This shirt didn’t fit a month ago.
  36. Instead of sour cream I use Greek yogurt.
  37. Instead of ranch dressing I use Greek yogurt.
  38. Instead of ice cream I use Greek yogurt.
  39. I found this new workout. Y’all want to hear about it?
  40. I just don’t bring junk food into the house.
  41. Tanning makes me feel skinnier.
  42. I’ll just have a small house salad.
  43. It’s HerbaLife. It’s really good.
  44. This is water.
  45. How many calories in salt?
  46. Do you have Splenda?
  47. What’s Estevia?
  48. I’m actually feeling really good.
  49. I have to go to the gym. I’ve only been twice today.
  50. I’m not dieting, I’m just trying to be healthy.
  51. I ate half an apple. I’m stuffed.
  52. This yogurt is so good. It’s almost like a banana split.
  53. If you hold your nose it’s not that bad.
  54. Wait, just let me take a quick before shot.
  55. If you can get past the texture, it’s really good.
  56. It’s actually pretty good if you eat it in the dark.
  57. This is my third day and I’m holding on by a thread.
  58. I found this 4-minute workout on Pinterest.
  59. Have you read Goop?
  60. It’s water, lemon, cayenne, and good vibes.
  61. Beyonce’s Instagram says to just drink this every morning.
  62. I’m trying to get into my jeans from freshman year.
  63. I just downloaded an app to calculate net carbs.
  64. Would a caveman eat this?
  65. Is this communion bread gluten-free?
  66. I have WAY more energy.
  67. I’m really tired.
  68. Do you know there’s as much protein in this shake as 753 egg whites.
  69. I’m just going for a quick run.
  70. I ordered a size too small for inspiration.
  71. Gluten is a gateway drug.
  72. I’m sooooooo hungry.
  73. I gave up drinking during the week.
  74. How many calories does commuting burn?
  75. I’ll have a turkey burger, no bun.
  76. Can I have one of those fries?
  77. Can I order from the kids’ menu?
  78. Do you think this will fit?
  79. What’s in this?
  80. Can I get that on the side?
  81. Is that grilled?
  82. It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.
  83. Do you know how many ounces of water you’re supposed to drink a day?
  84. One of my friends in boot camp lost 80 pounds in two weeks.
  85. Hot. Yoga.
  86. I trying to fit in more protein grams.
  87. Let me take quick picture for my new diet blog.
  88. You can put kale in everything.
  89. Let me show you this new workout I’ve been doing.
  90. I love the taste of kale.
  91. How many Weight Watchers points are in a Twinkie?
  92. I’ve been using a lot of coconut oil.
  93. Have you tried the Fresco menu at Taco Bell?
  94. White foods are evil.
  95. My church is fasting tomorrow, so that’s a great way to start my diet.
  96. Sitting is the new smoking. I got a standing desk.
  97. I’ve been wearing a lot of black and I can really tell the difference.
  98. I can wear horizontal stripes again.
  99. I threw away my Spanx.
  100. I haven’t weighed myself all week. I just go by how my clothes fit.
  101. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.