13 Things Every Southern Girl Should Own: An Allegiance to a College Football Team

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Here’s the deal: if you’re a woman living in the great American South (or want to be) (or consider yourself a Southerner) there are a few things that every Southern girl should own. We’ve narrowed the list down to 13 items of equal importance and will be revealing them over the next couple of weeks. Here’s just one of things every Southern girl should own. 

A strong allegiance to a college football team. (Yes, I know, it’s hard to actually own an allegiance to something, but keep following.)

If you, by the grace of God or on your own accord, have found yourself living in the South, you’ve likely also found yourself at a college football game on a Saturday. If you’re a real Southern girl, you ended up at this football game on your own merits and know about much more than just the quarterback’s last name and what color your team wears.

And why is this?

Because football matters in the South. In the fall, no one even bothers to ask your plans for the weekend– there’s a game and there’s church. And you better not get caught skipping either one. What else could be more important? Certainly not a wedding!  Think about all of the weddings you’ve ever attended in the South, now recall how many were on a beautiful Fall Saturday. Now, go look up your team’s schedule from that year and tell me it wasn’t an away game. Exactly.

Even nuptials revolve around the skin of a pig, so you better pick your allegiance and know why you chose it.

Obviously, your allegiance should foremost be with your alma mater. There is one exception to this rule. And that is– if your school didn’t play football or wasn’t large enough to host a Division I football team, you may choose a team (see below).

If you didn’t go to college, but someone else in your family did, you should probably just get on board with that school, unless you have a moral objection to it (this is mainly if someone is trying to get you to pledge your loyalty to LSU).

If you don’t know anyone who went to college, go with geography. For example, if you grew up in Mississippi you need to choose between Mississippi State or Ole Miss. Don’t flip-flop; there’s no flip-flopping in college football.

If you don’t know anyone who went to college and you didn’t grow up in the South (God bless) and have moved here from somewhere else, go with the closest school to you. For example, if Walmart hired you on at 22 and you’ve been in Iowa your entire life, put your Hawkeye sticker on your car and a Razorback t-shirt on your body.

After this, the selection gets kind of sketchy. So, just pick one. Have a reason, too. (Like, if you love Darius Rucker, go with his alma mater, South Carolina.)

Be careful, this is not a situation to play fast and loose. Once you pick, you’re in for life. It’s like a marriage.