This series will cover seven essentials all Southern girls must do to earn their keep. While we don’t much care for rules, we do believe there are certain things one simply must accomplish in order to call oneself a true Southern girl. This is just one.
Hair is big in the South and the majority of Southern girls weren’t born with it that way. There are tricks. There are tools. A girl needs to know how to make big her hair even when the humidity is hovering around 100, which is currently always. We aren’t talking about rain here, we are talking air so thick you can slice it. Teasing is the only way to achieve maximum Southern volume.
Now, you don’t have to be Southern to tease your hair, but it’s simply un-Southern to not tease it. Walking around with flat, undersized hair is one those sins ladies only whisper about.
If you aren’t teasing your hair you clearly have Yankee roots somewhere in your family tree. But, don’t worry flat hair is a recessive gene and can be dealt with accordingly.
Why does a Southern girl need to learn to tease her hair?
Southern girls are raised to be in pageants. From the time they are little bitty. Don’t believe us? Watch 20 or so episodes of “Toddlers and Tiaras” and let us know how many aren’t filmed in the South. There aren’t any. Maybe one, but that was just to make sure the Northern states didn’t feel left out. Have you seen the amount of hair they pile on those poor kids heads? They tease on top of tease, creating height most can only dream of.
Show up to cheer try-outs with flat hair and you may as well walk right back out the door. No matter your skill set, you aren’t going to be bouncing pom-poms for your favorite team. Do yourself a favor and learn to tease your hair.
You cannot show up to church with flat hair, unless you don’t mind the dreaded “bless her heart” chatter behind your back.
Every Southern girl goes to the prom at least once in her life. And every, read our lips, every prom hair style begins with the tease. Plus, you will be stuck in a stuffy gymnasium with 400 other sweaty teens so you will need all the “staying power” you can get.
Similar to prom, hopefully not as sweaty. But, trust us when we say that after a long day of pictures, family, dancing and cake-eating, you will be glad you teased.
Girls night out
You and your girlfirends are headed out for a night on the town. A girl has to look her best. She may meet the man of her dreams and if he’s Southern, he knows about big hair. You don’t want to miss out on Mr. Southern Wonderful because you were mistaken for a non-Southerner.
Chances are you will have daughters, nieces, neighbors or friends who will need to learn to the craft of teasing ones hair. Sure, they could always go to YouTube.com and find a tutorial, but in the South, we pass our traditions down and you better be able to help a family member in need.
We are certain there are many other circumstances that require a good “back-combing” but we’ll leave you with these. And if you are a Southern girl, this is one life skill you can’t be without.