The Met Gala Explained by Someone W​ho Knows Nothing About Fashion

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I know nothing about fashion.

I have no clue what the Met Gala is all about. I am not the sort of expert magazines want to comment on something like this. But, I have studied art and culture and, as a social media user, have been assaulted by a constant stream of Met Madness. I’m not sure why only experts can comment on a cultural moment, especially something as pervasive as the Met Gala. They are obviously wanting everyone to pay attention to their event, so here I am, paying attention.

After a quick Google search, I learned that the Met Gala is a fundraising event for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City, affectionately referred to as “fashion’s biggest night out.” You guys, how fun! A costume party for a costume institute! I’m sure it’s a blast and plenty of them look dapper, gorgeous, elegant, blah blah blah. But, let’s get real, the Gala is the “Emperor’s New Clothes” come to life. Decisions were made. Photographs were taken that will live forever on the internet.

For example, Will Smith’s son, Jaden, cut off his dreadlocks and carried them around like a purse.

This is the kid who once tweeted “Dying is mainstream #MONEY,” so the hair is par for the course. Jaden does strange. But dude, c’mon. Gross. If they are serving food, you had better keep that nastiness away. Where are his parents?

Gods? Um, no. These are aliens pretending to be humans.

Another alien. Call the “Avengers!”

Katy Perry apparently thought this was a Halloween party and dressed up as the Red Priestess of R’Hllor.

Katy, this isn’t the way to get cast in “Game of Thrones.” I’m starting to think there is some creepy cultish thing happening at this “party.

Stylist: Ok, Pharrell. You are going to dress like a fifth grader who just discovered punk rock.

Pharrell: Cool. Can I wear jeans that fit?

Stylist: No. What part of “fifth grader” did you not understand? No!

Pharrell: But I’m 44…

Stylist: Well this is fashun. Are you familiar with McDonald’s cartoon character Grimace? Your wife will be him, but red and with no arms.

Pharrell: But, she has to eat, right? And what if she falls-

Stylist: FASHUN!!!

Can someone tell Solange there’s an air mattress stuck to her back? It’s the celeb version of a “kick me” sign.

This guy stole my joke.

“I don’t know, dress me in the unused cloth swatches from Hobby Lobby.”

Y’all, he gets it. Diddy knows the emperor is not wearing any clothes.

Look, I’m no expert here, but I think these people need to sit down and think about their decisions. Your fashion is your choice- it is the way you present yourself to the world but it is fleeting. We will all be embarrassed of our style in ten years. You will look at what is now your favorite outfit and say, “Ugh, I can’t believe I wore that.” You can’t take it seriously, which is why the Met Gala seems so ridiculous to me. These people aren’t winning a Nobel Peace Prize–they’re wearing costumes. I don’t know, maybe we should stop congratulating them for it? Nah, that’s dumb.