“Beware the Madness of March.” — Julius Caesar
And here we are again. That time of year when everyone from your neighbor to your ex-boyfriend’s sister to your actual friends have asked you to fill out a bracket and join their “pick ’em.”
“Fine,” you say as you stare at the bracket and think, “Butler and Winthrop have to be related, right?” Probably.
So, you assume Butler is kind of a bully and move on. Your logic is sound, but shaky. You have just done what all Americans do when picking their NCAA Tournament brackets.
7 Ways Most Normal Humans Pick Their NCAA Tournament Brackets:
1. Jersey Color(s)
Those bright Baylor jerseys seal the deal for people who still use highlighters, others wonder if Maryland’s were supposed to look like that. But, you like a team that takes a risk and there’s nothing risky about never changing up your jerseys, Kansas.
2. Cute Mascot(s)
Ah, yes! That duck from Oregon looks like a Disney character. And he seems like a load of fun. Ducks win!
3. Cute Coach(es)
A few years ago, Missouri was coached by a guy named Quin Snyder– best hair you’ve ever seen on a basketball court. Tony Bennett (no relation) from Virginia seems like a very successful real estate agent. If you can’t find a cutie, find a coach that isn’t afraid to dress like the Virginia Tech coach.
4. Best Player Names
You aren’t going to go against a kid named Scoochie, are you? No way. Dayton all the way! Giddy Potts also seems like a perfect Cinderella story. I’ll take Middle Tennessee State University as far as I can, for $200 Alex.
5. Weird Mascot(s)
Few and far between on the odd mascots this year, gang. Might as well take those Razorbacks to the Elite 8 and call it a day. The Wichita Shockers are interesting too.
6. Notable Alumni
This could really come in handy in the later rounds or during those 8/9 games. (Don’t count athletes unless you really have to.)
- Kourtney Kardashian did attend SMU for one year. They will advance.
- Garth Brooks is an Oklahoma State Cowboy through and through. Michigan doesn’t stand a chance.
- Sylvester Stallone and Ray Liotta went to Miami? That’s an 8-seed I’ll pick.
- President Jed Bartlet loves Notre Dame, so you should love Notre Dame.
