7 Places to Not Wear Your Swimsuit


The sun is out, pools are open and the temperatures are rising– it’s officially swimsuit season.

For some this is a welcomed and celebrated season, for others it’s daunting. And then there’s that group of people that have no boundaries, are totally carefree and will wear that swimsuit from Memorial Day to Halloween with pride. In my heart, I want everyone to feel comfortable enough in a swimsuit to wear one with reckless abandon, but there are a few people out there who need a few swimsuit rules to live by.

Please wear your swimsuit responsibly.

Do not, for any reason, wear your swimsuit to:

1. Church: The Lord knows what you’re working with, no one else in that building needs to know. Keep that between you and your Maker.

2. The Liquor Store: Here’s the deal, you never want to become that person to a liquor store employee. Of all places to look under control and like a normal human, the liquor store is one of the most important.

3. The Grocery Store: Things tend to slip and slide around in a swimsuit, so mostly, you want to be fully covered in the grocery store as to not get your unmentionables on anything in the produce section. Or what if you got some uncooked meat on you? This one is really about protecting yourself.

4. A Funeral: Come on.

5. A Wedding: Even if the wedding is at the beach, you cannot wear your swimsuit to a wedding. You cannot wear your swimsuit to a wedding reception. Even if it’s 107 degrees when the couple says, “I do,” you can’t do it. You just can’t.

6. On an Airplane: Again, this one is about protecting yourself. You don’t want that much direct skin contact with an airplane seat or really, anything in an airport.

7. In Your Facebook Profile Picture: Even if you’re not modest, at least try to act like it on the ole Facebook. You never know where that picture may end up and what if you’re looking for a job? Do you want your future employer checking out your tan lines? Or lack thereof?

At the end of the day, if you’re trying to figure out if your swimsuit is appropriate attire for your final destination, your best guess is that no, it’s not.

God speed during this season of suits, swimming or otherwise.