In the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, I was sitting around thinking about appropriately appropriate talking points for the holiday. One of the first things that came to mind, other than the patron saint of Ireland, was Guinness Beer. Guinness was started in Dublin in 1759 or something and has been around forever. It’s only natural to think about an Irish beer on St. Patrick’s day. Anyway, my mind tends to wander, so thinking about this led me to the Guinness Book of World Records.
Long story, short: in 1951 the chairman of the Guinness Brewery was out hunting birds and he missed a shot at a golden plover. Obviously upset about the miss, he then wondered if that bird was the fastest bird in Europe, because of course, he’s a good shot and didn’t just miss. So, this guy builds a team and then, we got a book of facts and world records to argue over for years to come.
So, how did the book go from a list of fast birds to what it is today? Likely a question we’ll have to save for the man upstairs, but we can still mull over the weirdest world records we’ve ever heard of on this St. Patrick’s Day. Because, really, St. Patrick’s day is a little weird.
The book went from documenting the fastest bird in Europe to this:
FARTHEST MILK SQUIRTING DISTANCE
How much milk though?
LONGEST DURATION LIVING WITH SCORPIONS
How is this different than living with roommates?
HEAVIEST WEIGHT LIFTED BY TONGUE
Knowing people are lifting weights with their tongues officially makes me the laziest person alive.
MOST STEPS WALKED DOWN BY A DOG FACING FORWARDS BALANCING A GLASS OF WATER
I was a bored teenager once, too. Clearly, I did not put my time to good use.
LOUDEST PURR BY A DOMESTIC CAT
If I had this much time on my hands I would have cured cancer by now.
LARGEST COLLECTION OF TRAFFIC CONES
Yeah, it’s called the highway department.
SMALLEST LIVING HORSE
I would pay a small fortune to see this.
LONGEST DISTANCE WALKING OVER HOT PLATES
Because, yes.
GREATEST DISTANCE TRAVELLED WITH A POOL CUE BALANCED ON CHIN
I can only imagine the amount of pride this guy’s parents must have.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, y’all. Go set a record or something.
For your St. Patrick’s Day listening pleasure, check out our St. Patrick’s Day Playlist.
Image Source: BigStock
