Jessica Simpson’s Upcoming Memoir Details Traumatic Past: ‘I Was Killing Myself’

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There was a time when Jessica Simpson looked like she had it all. But little did any of us know what she was hiding behind that pristine exterior.

In her new memoir Open Book, the singer and reality star opens up about the pain that she was hiding, pain that stemmed partly from a brush with childhood sexual abuse beginning at the age of 6, that later turned into troubles with alcohol and stimulants.

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“when I shared a bed with the daughter of a family friend, it would start with tickling my back and then go into things that were extremely uncomfortable,” she writes in the book, excerpted by People. “I wanted to tell my parents. I was the victim but somehow I felt in the wrong.”

Jessica ended up telling her parents when she was 12 while they were on the road in the car. “Dad kept his eye on the road and said nothing,” she wrote according to the excerpt. “We never stayed at my parents’ friends house again but we also didn’t talk about what I had said.”

As Jessica became a household name with her reality series, Newlyweds and The Jessica Simpson Collection clothing line, she was in the midst of medicating herself to deal with the pain.

“I was killing myself with all the drinking and pills,” she writes in the book, according to People magazine.

Luckily, Simpson says she got clean in November of 2017.

“Giving up the alcohol was easy,” she writes in the book. “I was mad at that bottle. At how it allowed me to stay complacent and numb.”

She also went to therapy to deal with the traumas of her past.

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“With work, I allowed myself to feel the traumas I’d been through,” she writes of the sexual abuse that began at the age of six years old when she shared a bed with the daughter of a family friend.  “When I finally said I needed help, it was like I was that little girl that found her calling again in life. I found direction and that was to walk straight ahead with no fear.”

People magazine hits stands Friday Jan. 24.