America’s Favorite Christmas Candy By State Proves We Are All Insane

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What do you think is your state’s favorite Christmas candy? Take a wild guess. Peppermint bark is delightful. Bowls brimming with Hershey Kisses and M&M’s are everywhere. Some people even like “reindeer corn”, Christmas-colored candy corn. Shame on them. But, before we cast blame on those poor people who don’t know what good candy tastes like, we need to take a hard look in the mirror. According to the National Confectionary Association and a survey of over 50,000 Christmas shoppers, our candy preferences are pretty out of whack.

  1. Seven states are really into candy canes, which is great but makes me realize I have never finished a candy cane in my life. Candy canes: what a chore.
  2. Neither butterscotch nor caramel made the list. It’s a tough day for traditional candy.
  3. Only twelve states like candy (peppermint bark, candy canes, and chocolate Santas) that is not a Christmas version of ordinary candy.
  4. For some reason, I give M&M’s a Christmas pass, but am offended by Skittles, being included on this list. Also Starburst and Jolly Ranchers- what is that? I feel like fruit candy has no place in this holiday. Christmas is for chocolate!
  5. While we’re on the subject: PEZ? PEZ is the favorite Christmas candy in eight states. Eight! PEZ ISN’T EVEN A CHRISTMAS CANDY! Wisconsin, Louisiana, Arizona, New Mexico, both Carolinas, Ohio, and Texas need to do some serious soul searching ASAP.
  6. Texas, what is wrong. I expect this from Arizona and New Mexico, but come on. You really like those chalky pills that push out of a cartoon character’s neck? Gross. C’mon Texas. I expected so much more out of you

This list is based on solid market research, but can this really be right? It’s kinda crazy.

*singing* Where are you Christ-maaas? Why can’t I find youuuu?